Kalamazoo 2017: Report

The Tales after Tolkien Society continued its work at the 2017 International Congress on Medieval Studies on the campus of Western Michigan University in Kalamazoo, Michigan. One formal and one semi-formal event were on offer: a panel of papers and an off-program Annual General Meeting. Records of both appear below.

The Panel

The Society sponsored Session 190 at the Congress, Growing Up Medieval: The Middle Ages in Children’s and Young Adult Literature. The session featured three papers: William Racicot's "The Dream Frame of Baum’s Wizard of Oz," Rachel Cooper's "Women Piercing through the Medieval Fantasy Genre: A Look at Tamora Pierce’s Influence on Women in Medieval Fantasy," and Carrie Pagels's "Heralds of the Queen: Upholding and Subverting the Medieval Ideal through Girl Power, Sexuality, and le Merveilleux in Mercedes Lackey’s Valdemar Series." Geoffrey B. Elliott presided over the session.

Racicot holds a PhD from Duquesne and specializes in dream visions; he is also at work on a book for McFarland that assesses Victorian and Edwardian fiction as succeeding medieval dream visions. His paper reads Baum's Wizard of Oz in that light, presenting it as a recapitulation of the traditional dream-vision narrative arc and connecting it in detail to Chaucer and the Pearl-poet. Racicot also highlights the allegorical nature of Oz and its inhabitants, ultimately offering a satisfying argument about the early work.

Cooper is a student at the University of Saskatchewan, focusing in medieval literature. A young scholar, she examines Pierce's influence on readers and writers of medievalist fantasy. Her project surveyed a number of readers, noting a gender-biased response; no self-identified men answered her emails, something she posits may be due to the presence of other models for masculine readers to follow--and a relative dearth of such models for feminine readers. The project is promising, and future treatments are hoped for.

Pagels has been a member of the Society and works in French at Saint Mary's College. After offering abundant context for a less-familiar cycle of works, her paper interrogates Lackey's appropriation of the medieval and the merveilleux in her Valdemar novels, noting that the author works against popular but not scholarly conceptions of the Middle Ages in the corpus. A number of common archetypes find themselves subverted in the texts, and many in attendance found themselves desiring to read Lackey's work.

Discussion following the papers was lively and engaging, marking another successful performance by the Society at the Congress.

The AGM

Per §5.1 of the Society Constitution, an Annual General Meeting of the Tales after Tolkien Society was held during the 2017 International Congress on Medieval Studies; in the event, it occurred in the same room as had hosted the Tales after Tolkien panel, beginning at approximately 1130 on 12 May 2017. Geoffrey B. Elliott, Vice-President (USA), presided; Stephanie Amsel, Secretary, recorded minutes. Present (by signature) were Rachel Cooper, Sarah Jenkins, Julia Nephew, Carrie Pagels, Bill Racicot, and Stavros Stavroulias.

Initial agenda items were proposals for session topics for the 2018 Congress, the possibility of a new Society volume (and its topic, if desired), and collaboration with other organizations such as the Lone Medievalist.

It was determined that the Society will propose two sessions for the 2018 Congress. One, Reclaiming the Dead and the Undead, will focus on appropriations of medieval concepts of un/death in contemporary media, attending to how the medieval corporeal/spiritual divide is reinscribed and transgressed thereby. The second, Medievalism in Metal, will examine medievalism in contemporary music, both in songs and in groups' iconography.

It was also determined that the Society will pursue another volume, since the first two (The Middle Ages in Popular Culture: Medievalism and Genre and Fantasy and Science Fiction Medievalisms: From Isaac Asimov to A Game of Thrones, both edited by Helen Young, and both Cambria P, 2015) were well received and informed the Society being a finalist for the 2016 World Fantasy Awards. After discussion, it was determined that the volume will be an edited collection focusing on religion in medievalist fiction.

Calls for papers are forthcoming.

Collaboration with other groups was noted as desirable, the principle generally agreed upon. Coordination will be determined on an individual basis, but it is encouraged as a matter of policy by the Society.

Agenda items concluded, the floor was opened to the discussion of other business. Upcoming elections were treated; four of the five offices in the Society (President, Vice President [At-large], Vice President [USA], and Secretary) will be open. Proposed was an amendment to the Society constitution to stagger officers' positions to promote overlap and continuity. A draft amendment will be sent out to Society members for a brief commentary period, after which a meeting on ratification (required by §7 of the Society Constitution) will be conducted--likely online, as permitted by §5 of the Society Constitution).

Also noted was the possibility that the next AGM be held in similar circumstances to that conduced in 2017. Ease of access was cited as a cause.

The AGM adjourned at approximately 1230 on 12 May 2017.

This information also appears on the Society webpage, www.talesaftertolkien.org.

Game of Thrones (Re)Watch 5.9: "The Dance of Dragons"

Read the previous entry in this series here.
Read the next entry in this series here.

5.9 “The Dance of Dragons”

Written by David Benioff & D.B. Weiss

Directed by David Nutter

Commentary by David Nutter, Peter Dinklage (Tyrion), and Ian Glen (Jorah)

Once again, there are two or three completely awful moments (adaptationally and narratively) in this episode with a bunch of “meh” moments in between them.

Let’s just get right to it. This was another episode that set the Internet on fire by going off-page and brutally murdering a young girl. Benioff and Weiss, of course, claim that Martin told them this would happen in The Winds of Winter, but obviously the context is going to be completely different, since Shireen, Selyse, and Melisandre aren’t even with Stannis’ army in the books.

Having refused Melisandre’s suggestion that they burn Shireen once already, Stannis is now dealing with the sabotage Ramsay set up, which caused complete devastation to their supplies and a good chunk of their horses. Davos suggests immediately going back to Castle Black, which Stannis rejects, and Davos notices Selyse and Melisandre staring at them in the creepiest way possible. Stannis orders the remaining horses butchered for their meat and leaves, Melisandre with him. Later, Stannis sends Davos back to the Wall to get more supplies with the promise that Jon will have enough men to guard all nineteen castles once he’s taken the throne. Davos is understandably nervous about being sent away and offers to take Shireen back with him, but Stannis refuses.

So Davos goes to see Shireen before he leaves because we needed one more bit of foreshadowing before they actually kill her. He gives her a present—a hand-carved stag—to thank her for teaching him to read, which his son tried to do before he died. Insert heavy-handed foreshadowing here. Is there a stronger word than foreshadowing? What do you call it when it’s not a shadow anymore but a giant flashing arrow screaming she’s gonna die? Davos leaves, and Shireen’s fate is sealed.

Stannis comes to visit Shireen and she tells him about “The Dance of Dragons,” which she’s been reading about. They talk about making choices and how it’s hard, and she understands that he’s upset and offers to help. So he leads her out of the tent and hands her over to Melisandre, who has her tied to the pyre and burns her alive. In a small mercy, they don’t show it happening like they did with Mance, instead focusing on Stannis and Selyse, who changes her mind about halfway through but it’s too late. Selyse loses her mind when Shireen finally dies, apparently just now realizing that she actually loved her daughter. Dave Nutter says the reason they didn’t show Shireen’s death was to “not get too gratuitous with it,” because lord knows they worry about gratuitous violence on this show.

Here’s the thing, though—the sacrifice was gratuitous by definition because it changed nothing. If anything, it made everything worse. We’ll get into that more next week.

Speaking of big gestures that change nothing, Dany’s opening Daznak’s Pit over in Meereen. Tyrion and Hizdahr disagree about philosophy and violence as entertainment, with Hizdahr claiming that nothing great was ever accomplished without violence and Tyrion saying “It’s easy to confuse what is with what ought to be, especially when what is has worked out in your favor.” While these philosophies do make sense for these two men, it’s interesting that Tyrion—author-, showrunner-, and fan-favorite) is speaking out against violence as entertainment on a show that has commodified violence as entertainment, while Hizdahr—the foreign, nonwhite Other who represents the world of slavery and violence—speaks up for it. I’d wonder if this was done on purpose, but I don’t think Benioff and Weiss are that self-aware. Hizdahr says that these fights are an essential part of Meereen, part of her legacy, if you will, and Tyrion remarks that Tywin would have liked Hizdahr.

In order to start the fights, Dany has to clap her hands, which forces her to be not only complicit in the ensuing violence and bloodshed, but an actual instigator of it. She can no longer sit on the sidelines and pretend that she’s not an active part of a tradition that glorifies violence; it is ultimately her word that begins the massacre. And it is a massacre; the second fight is a melee involving six fighters, including Jorah, who can’t take a hint.

Then the whole arena turns into a massacre as the Sons of the Harpy attack, slaughtering people left and right, including Hizdahr. So he had absolutely no ties to the Sons, then? He had no influence on the violence in the streets? So why did Dany marry him? What purpose did it serve? Also, how ironic is it that the vocal supporter of violence-as-entertainment dies violently for our entertainment? The odd thing is that, again, the Sons are just murdering everyone. There’s no rhyme or reason to it; it seems very much like they’re just there to cause mayhem, not to make a political statement.

Dany, Daario, Missandei, and Tyrion are driven down into the pit itself, where they’re surrounded by Sons. Things do not look good for our heroes until Drogon descends from the heavens and begins a massacre of his own. Dany yells at him, and he calms just enough for her to climb up on his back and completely abandon her companions in the pit to fly off.

This is, again, really bad adaptational work that suffers from a complete loss of context. They’ve shifted the entire meaning and purpose of Drogon’s arrival from Dany finally getting so uncomfortable with being the person she needs to be to rule Meereen that she literally sheds the trappings of Meereenese society—taking off her toqar—and preparing to leave the pit before Drogon shows up. She rescues Drogon from the fighters who attack him, not the other way around, and while she abandons her people, she doesn’t abandon them in immediate mortal danger. Hizdahr survives to take control of the city and immediately start undoing a lot of Dany’s decrees, sidelining her non-Meereenese advisors (like Barristan). Tyrion and Jorah haven’t even made it into the city yet. (Tyrion’s actually been in the pit with Penny, doing their dwarf jousting routine.) Instead, we have Dany as a damsel in distress being rescued by her dragon and continuing to be a terrible leader and friend by abandoning her people in their time of greatest need. And this is framed as a triumphant moment for her.

There's a really brief moment with Jon and the Watch when they return from Hardhome, where it looks for a moment like Alliser isn't going to let them in. He does, of course, and Olly gets super pissed off about the Wildlings coming through the gate, especially Wun Wun. Alliser tells Jon he has a good heart, and that it'll get all of them killed. But not if Alliser, Olly, and company kill him first.

Over in Dorne, Jaime, Doran, Myrcella, Trystane, and Ellaria have a big meeting in which we find out that Jaime’s whole sneaking in plan was completely unnecessary because someone stole Myrcella’s necklace and Doran would have let Jaime come by to visit without being sneaky and murdering people if he’d just asked first. D’oh! Diplomacy might have actually worked! Who’d have thought? Doran has no intention of starting a war with Westeros proper, much to Ellaria’s disgust, and actually wants to continue the engagement and send Trystane to King’s Landing to serve on the Small Council in Oberyn’s place. He also agrees to release Bronn, despite having struck a prince, on one condition.

Down in the dungeons, Nym and Tyene are playing some sort of hand-slappy game and taunting each other because these girls have such a healthy relationship. Aero takes Bronn out of the cell and Tyene gets him to tell her she’s pretty again before he leaves, prompting Obara to call her a slut. Totally healthy relationship.

The condition turns out to be Bronn taking an elbow to the face.

Doran tells Ellaria she can get in line or face the executioner; she kneels and takes his hands, sobbing, while the Sand Snakes look on, aghast. Ellaria then goes to try to make up with Jaime, admitting that Myrcella and Jaime didn’t have anything to do with what happened to Oberyn. Of course, it’s all a big fake-out, because women can’t be reasonable about anything, especially hot spicy southern foreign women, amirite? (Gag.)

Over in Braavos, Arya’s headed out to do her very first sanctioned job but she gets distracted by Lannister sails in the harbor and even more distracted when she spots Ser Meryn, who murdered (we’re supposed to believe) Syrio Forel (still refusing to believe he’s dead). She stalks Mace Tyrell and his entourage for most of the day, then follows Meryn into a brothel, where Meryn rejects girl after girl until the madame brings him a very young one. Arya has a plan. She goes back to the House of Black and White and lies to Jaqen about failing to kill the Thin Man, then goes about her duties. Jaqen, of course, isn’t fooled.

These last couple of sections are setup for the great big slaughter of major characters that starts in the season finale and continues on into season six. Apparently, when they’re completely set loose from following an established storyline, Benioff and Weiss really go nuts and just start hacking people out of the story (often literally).

RIP:

Shireen Baratheon

Hizdahr zo Loraq

Pit fighters

Meereenese spectators

Sons of the Harpy

Next week: Death. Murder. Mayhem. A jump off a wall. The return of the Dothraki. Cersei goes for a walk.

Game of Thrones (Re)Watch 5.8: "Hardhome"

Read the previous entry in this series here.
Read the next entry in this series here.
 

5.8 “Hardhome”

Written by David Benioff & D.B. Weiss

Directed by Miguel Sapochnik

Commentary by Miguel Sapchnik, Rowley Irlam (Stunt Coordinator), Kit Harrington (Jon Snow), and Kristofer Hivju (Tormund Giantsbane)

Three episodes out from the end of the season, and the usual buildups are happening for the big shocks at the end of the season. Unusually, they’ve moved the big setpiece battle from episode 9 to episode 8, and it’s a non-canon battle, which is also a first. The battle for Winterfell, which happens in episode 9, is semi-canonical and not shown entirely on screen, but we’ll talk about that next week.

Over in Meereen, Dany has to once again decide what to do with Jorah, who defied her by returning to Meereen. She gets a sense of Tyrion’s advising style by asking him what he would do, and after weighing all of the sides of the story—he spied on her; he never confessed to spying on her; he loves her; he disobeyed her orders by coming back—Tyrion advises letting him live, but banishing him again, which she does. Jorah checks out his arm to remind us that he’s got greyscale and it’s spreading, then marches back off into the wastes around Slavers Bay. He goes and finds the slaver and sells himself into slavery so he can fight in the pits for Daenerys, and can we get any more clichéd? This follows every horrible stereotype about the “friend zone” and how if the guy just tries hard enough and proves his devotion enough he can get the girl to like him. By all rights, the next time Dany sees him, she should have him executed. (Spoiler: she doesn’t.) But he won’t take no for an answer, and this is portrayed as undying loyalty and affection, not stalking.

Tyrion and Dany have a long talk about their beliefs and histories, and they find some common ground in having horrible families. Dany didn’t know her father, but his legacy hangs over her head. She’s not sure she can trust him; he’s not sure he can serve her. They have a remarkably honest and open conversation, although it contains stuff like him telling her that opening the pits and marrying Hizdahr “for the greater good” was wise (again—how?). He tells her she’s going to need more than the admiration of the smallfolk to rule Westeros, because she’s got that here in Meereen and look how it’s going for her. (Does she? The common folk of Meereen are barely ever mentioned.) She says power is a wheel (not a ladder?), and its spinning crushes the smallfolk. He agrees that stopping the wheel is a beautiful dream, but lots of people have had beautiful dreams without the power to follow through on them. She says she’s not going to stop the wheel; “I’m going to break the wheel.”

Huh?

I can see two ways that “breaking” the wheel of power (if politics were really that simple, which they’re not, but let’s pretend for a second) would work. 1) Democracy. End the feudal system and put the power (ostensibly) in the hands of the smallfolk. 2) Outright tyranny. Do away with all the noble houses, centralize power, and declare yourself Emperor-for-Life. The first doesn’t seem tremendously likely in Westeros, and the second is bad. But I fear the second is the direction they’re going with this, and they’re going to somehow try to sell it as the Right Thing to Do because it’s Dany, Cersei’s currently (by the end of season six—spoiler) on the throne and she needs to be taken down a peg (or even killed), and Winter is Coming, so forcing everyone to focus on that fight will be Dany’s motivation for taking over.

Or, she meets Jon Snow, falls madly in love, and gives up the throne to him, because why not? It’s no more ridiculous than half the stuff that happens in this show.

Up in Braavos, Arya is preparing to go on her first assignment. She has a whole cover personality, Lanna (instead of Cat of the Canals because remember Needle is Revenge and not Winterfell), who sells shellfish on the docks. Jaqen approves this and sends her out to learn what she can. She comes back confused about insurance, and Jaqen explains what a racket it is and that the Thin Man has been refusing to pay out when an insured captain dies at sea. Thus, he must die. The waif tells Jaqen Arya’s not ready; he says they’ll see.

I have a problem with the characterization of the Waif. She’s apparently already a Faceless assassin, albeit one that primarily works in the House of Black and White rather than going out and doing jobs. So much of the training is about giving up one’s own ego and sense of self-importance. So why is the Waif so dead set against Arya becoming Faceless? She acts like it’s a personal affront to her that Arya’s making progress. She has a personal, completely senseless vendetta against Arya. Not only does this make her not a very good Faceless, even by the standards of the show, but it makes Arya’s struggle to become Faceless an external one rather than an internal one. Her worst enemy should be herself and her inability to let go of her hate and anger—and her attachment to her family. In the book, she’s having wolf dreams that link her to Nymeria and by extension the North that make it really difficult for her to forget or let go of who she is. And the Waif doesn’t care one way or the other. It doesn’t matter to her whether Arya succeeds or fails, because she has no personal stake in anything, because she’s no one. That’s even why she’s called the Waif—that’s how Arya thinks of her because she has no name.

Speaking of roles that have been unnecessarily hostiled-up, Cersei’s being tormented by a stone-faced septa who takes serious pleasure in smacking Cersei around. (I wonder if Benioff & Weiss went to Catholic school as kids.) Again, in the books, Unella is completely dispassionate about her duties, waking Cersei once an hour to ask for her confession, bringing her food and water (which Cersei initially rejects, but then is forced to eat and drink out of desperation), and ignoring her pleas/demands.

Qyburn is allowed to come see Cersei, and he’s the one who delivers the news that she’s to be tried for fornication, treason, incest, and regicide. She wants to see Kevan; Qyburn says he won’t come. Jaime isn’t back from Dorne yet. Tommen’s apparently a mess and also won’t come see her. Qyburn says there’s one sure way to get out of this, and she refuses to confess.

Sansa, still beaten and locked in her room with only Theon to wait on her, manages to get a confession of her own when Theon tells her that he didn’t kill Bran and Rickon. This changes everything! All of a sudden she doesn’t hate Theon as much! And she’s got a new jolt of energy for getting herself out of this terrible situation!! (This is per Benioff and Weiss in the “Inside the Episode” featurette—they claim that this revelation is what she needs to survive this ordeal and find a way out of it. Because just being imprisoned, raped, and beaten apparently isn’t enough. She needs some boys to give her motivation. Ugh.) But Theon’s still freaking out, so he runs away.

There’s a brief scene at the Wall where Olly tries to either get another perspective on Jon’s decision to help the Wildlings—they killed Olly’s whole family! You know, not these ones in particular; Tormund is the only one of the raiders left alive, and he’s not one of the ones who ate Olly’s family, but details—or to convince Sam to join the impending mutiny. Sam sticks to the party line regarding the wight army and the White Walkers, and Olly wants to know what happens if Jon brings back all those Wildlings and they go crazy and slaughter the entire Night’s Watch. Sam says that is a risk, but it’s one worth taking. Olly isn’t convinced.

The last chunk of the episode is the great battle at Hardhome, and while I have serious issues with the storytelling here, I have to admit that the visuals are gorgeous, and the whole thing is beautifully put together. However, I have no idea why it’s even here. It makes no sense, adaptationally, logistically, or politically, for Jon to leave the Wall and come all the way up here instead of sending someone (in the books, that someone is Cotter Pyke, with a plan to send Tormund when he gets the news back from Pyke). Relying entirely on on-screen violence misses the opportunity for true creepiness regarding Hardhome:

At Hardhome, with six ships. Wild seas. Blackbird lost with all hands, two Lyseni ships driven aground on Skane, Talon taking water. Very bad here. Wildlings eating their own dead. Dead things in the woods. Braavosi captains will only take women, children on their ships. Witch women call us slavers. Attempts to take Storm Crow defeated, six crew dead, many wildlings. Eight ravens left. Dead things in the water. Send help by land, seas wracked by storms. (A Dance with Dragons 58, Jon XII)

Dead things in the woods. Dead things in the water. Even without seeing the action on page, this is fairly horrifying. And it’s not even the big battle; that doesn’t happen/hasn’t happened yet in the books because Jon’s plan to send Tormund out to handle it is cut short when he’s murdered.

Also, what kind of sense does it make for Jon to leave right after he’s been elected Commander, when he knows there’s resistance to his leadership? Can I hear it from the people in the back: Benioff and Weiss are bad at writing politics.

In the “Inside the Episode” featurette, they say that sending Jon to Hardhome gives everyone—book readers and non-book readers alike—something cool to look at that they’ve never seen before because it doesn’t happen in the books. That seems to be the ultimate arbiter of their adaptation at this point—does it look cool? Not, does it make sense. Not, is it true to the spirit of the original work. Not, will it make fans happy. Does it “look cool.”

When Jon and Tormund row in to Hardhome, there’s thousands of Wildlings there. Rattleshirt has appointed himself leader, so in order to take over, Tormund beats him to death with his own bone stick thing (because violence is the only language barbarians understand, amirite?). Jon manages to talk most of the Wildlings around to joining them and accepting passage back to the Wall; the remaining Thenns want nothing to do with them. Another spearwife named Karsi and a giant named Wun Wun, among others, agree. As they’re evacuating, though, the wights attack and easily the largest battle they’ve ever done in the series commences.

There’s a couple of moments in this whole free-for-all that stand out. The first is Jon trying to get to the bag of obsidian weapons during the fight; why didn’t he just have them to hand already? Did he really expect that the Night King would warn them before attacking? That’s just sloppy commandering.

Second is Jon’s sudden discovery that Valyrian steel is just as effective against the White Walkers as obsidian. This is a big deal in the books. Here, there’s only a very brief discussion of it after this battle. In the “Inside the Episode” thing, Benioff and Weiss make it almost sound like it’s Jon that’s the special one, and not Longclaw.

Third is Karsi’s death. I cannot express enough how much I hate that we’re given another spearwife, one who initially looks like she might replace Val, and then they kill her. And not only do they kill her, they have her give up in the face of child wights and just let them kill her. Because she’s a mother, see, and that’s more important than being alive? If you get into behind-the-scenes shenanigans, it turns out that the character was originally supposed to be male, but they decided that having a mother face down and be unable to fight child wights because she’s a mother would be awesome. (“Cool” is the word Miguel Sapochnik uses.)

Then, when everyone who can fit in a boat and is still alive pushes off from the shore, the Night King walks out onto the pier, makes eye contact with Jon, and raises his hands. Every single dead body on the shore stands up, eyes ice-blue. The camera pans up to show hundreds of thousands of them along the shore and the cliff above it.

Winter is coming.

RIP:

Rattleshirt, aka the Lord of Bones

Loboda

Karsi

Walker #2

Next week: Another senseless and infuriating death. Jaime prepares to leave “Dorne.” Arya spots a target. Draco ex machina.

About the Meeting at Kalamazoo 2017

Per Section 5.1 of the Society Constitution, the Society will be having an Annual General Meeting at the International Congress on Medieval Studies at Kalamazoo. It will take place immediately following the paper session we're hosting, and in the same room--so Schneider 1225, likely around 1230 local time. Those who cannot attend the Congress can attend via phone or Skype; those interested, please email talesaftertolkien@gmail.com, and we can begin to make arrangement.

So far as I am aware, no office is up for re/election this year--that should happen in 2018, with the exception of the Social Media Officer, who will be up for re/election in 2019 (as noted here). As such, the planned agenda is as follows:

• Selecting one or more sessions to propose for the 2018 Congress
• Unconventional Medievalisms remains an available session topic
• Selecting one or more conferences to extend into, as well as topics
• Determining if another Society volume should be pursued

I am, of course, open to other business; if you would like other items added, please let me know.

I look forward to seeing people there!

Geoffrey B. Elliott

Vice-president (USA), Tales after Tolkien Society

Game of Thrones (Re)Watch 5.7: "The Gift"

Read the previous entry in this series here.
Read the next entry in this series here.
 

5.7 “The Gift”

Written by David Benioff & D.B. Weiss

Directed by Miguel Sapochnik

The title of this episode once again can actually be read as a theme; while the obvious “gift” is Tyrion, there’s also the stretch of land between the Wall and Winterfell that Stannis and company are snowbound in (although I think they’ve referred to this area as “the Gift” all of once in the show); Tyene’s gift of the antidote to Bronn’s poisoning; Petyr’s offer of “a handsome young man” to Olenna; and even, if we want to be generous about it, Gilly having sex with Sam.

At the Wall, Jon’s preparing to go North with Tormund, and everyone looks super mad at him. Even being left in charge doesn’t help Alliser’s mood. Sam gives Jon the bag of obsidian weapons and says he hopes he doesn’t need them.

After Jon leaves, Sam and Gilly take baby Sam to see Aemon, who says they need to take the baby south “before it’s too late.” The White Walkers are coming, after all, and the actual reason why Gilly’s sent away from the Wall in the books has been thoroughly torpedoed by Val and Dalla’s baby Not Appearing in This Picture. Not too long later, Aemon succumbs to old age and dies—his last words, to his brother Aegon: “Egg! I dreamed I was old!” Thus passes the only other living Targaryen in the show (and possibly in the books; there’s some debate about a certain young blue-haired man).

Sam does Aemon’s funeral rites, and Alliser sidles up to Sam to tell him that he’s losing all his friends. Sam looks up to see two completely random Black Brothers giving him the stinkiest stinkeye to ever stinkeye—for no really good reason that I can tell. Of course, they had to establish these two as a) existing; and b) mad at Sam, because the next thing we know, they’re cornering Gilly in the dining hall, giving Sam the opportunity to show that he’s a Real Man™ by defending her honor. He reminds everyone that he’s killed a White Walker and a Thenn (we know, Samwell!) and fights them, taking a good beating before Ghost runs them off. Seriously, Ghost has spent more time with Sam than with Jon in this show.

Gilly nurses Sam’s injuries, then climbs on top of him and they have fully clothed sex because (if I had to guess) neither of them are conventionally attractive enough to titillate the audience, so no skin here. It can’t have anything to do with the cold, or Myranda wouldn’t dress the way she does.

Also, it's still too damn dark to see anything anyway.

So, let’s check off the clichés in this scene:

✓Men attack a woman because she “belongs” to another man they’re mad at

✓Attempted rape as drama

✓All women are at risk of sexual assault at all times

✓Man defends “his” woman with violence

✓Despite his injuries, man insists he totally could have beat up the attackers

✓Man is rewarded for his courage with sex

✓Sex and violence are the markers of true manhood

✓Entirely not how this happened in the books

Moving south, Stannis and company are stranded in the snow. Men are freezing to death. Davos reports that 40 horses have died of the cold and they can’t keep the supply lines open. The Stormcrows, who apparently got hired at some point, have left. Davos thinks they should go back to the Wall; Stannis doesn’t know how to admit defeat. Melisandre assures him that her flames have shown her on the walls of Winterfell with the flayed man banners falling; she suggests that there’s one way to get rid of the snow and get R’hllor’s favor with Stannis, and Stannis says absolutely no way we are not burning Shireen alive, get out. (Guess how many episodes that refusal is going to last.)

In Winterfell, Theon brings Sansa some food. She’s locked in the bedroom, in the dark, in only a torn underdress, with bruises all over her arms. She begs Theon to help her, but he’s too afraid of Ramsay. Despite the frequent protests from showrunners (Bryan Cogman in particular) that Sansa’s not going to take this lying down and the abuse makes her stronger (gross) and she’s going to come out of it even more of a player than she already was, it sure looks like she’s relying on a man—one even more broken than she is—to rescue her rather than rescuing herself. She tries to get Theon to set the signal for rescue that Brienne passed to the old “the North remembers” servingwoman, but Theon goes straight to Ramsay.

Ramsay has Sansa brought to him on the walls, and she grabs a corkscrew or bung holer or something off a barrel, but then proceeds to sass him rather than using it on him. He takes her into the courtyard, where the servingwoman has been flayed and hanged; Sansa starts crying, Theon looks constipated, and she’s dragged back to her room. Again, we’ve already done this with Sansa being abused, beaten, and forced to look at a dead body. Jeyne Poole might have been a wet dishrag, but Sansa’s supposed to be past all of that by this point.

Also, lest we forget, Brienne is staring at Winterfell, waiting for the candle to be lit in the tower. Determinedly. Staring.

In King’s Landing, Olenna goes to see the High Sparrow to ask for the release of Loras and Margaery. He’s unmoved; he says they lied to the gods and have to be judged. She says Loras never hurt anyone and Margaery was just defending her brother, and anyway, everyone in the city is guilty of some sort of sin. He implies they’ll get to everyone else eventually; it’s pretty ambitious that he started with the queen, but okay. As Olenna leaves the Sept unsatisfied, a messenger runs her a scroll; the seal is black with a stylized bird on it because that’s super subtle and sneaky, Petyr.

Petyr’s at his destroyed brothel, looking at the wreckage, when Olenna shows up. She’s sure he had something to do with all this and reminds him that she has regicide to hold over his head. He offers her a gift, the same thing he gave Cersei: “a handsome young man.” In Cersei’s case, it was Olyvar; in Olenna’s, it seems to be Loras. Because when Cersei goes to visit Margaery (who calls her a “hateful bitch”) in prison, then to see the High Sparrow in his little chapel deep in the Sept of  Baelor, she’s told that Lancel has admitted to everything and she’s arrested and hauled away into one of the cells.

In Dorne, Aero brings Myrcella to Jaime to show that she’s alive and unharmed, and she yells at him for ruining everything, dad! She’s in love with Trystane, and she’s going to marry him and she doesn’t want to leave Dorne! Her new dress is just as hideous as the old one, if a tad more modest.

Down in the cells, Bronn’s singing “The Dornishman’s Wife,” much to the disgust of the Sand Snakes. Tyene flirts with him a bit and asks about his arm, which she cut open during the fight. She asks if he’s ever seen a woman more beautiful than her, and he says sure, but she pulls open her dress to show a boob because of course she does. “Fight and fuck, fuck and fight,” after all. At that point, his nose starts bleeding, and she tells him she’s poisoned him with The Long Farewell and she has the antidote, but first he has to admit that she’s the most beautiful woman in the world. Her and both her boobs, which are now on full display. He says she’s the most beautiful women in the world and she tosses him the antidote, then says she thinks he’s nice too before finally tying her dress back up.

I promise to do a full rundown of the extremely problematic treatment of race, gender, and sexuality in “Dorne” when this storyline wraps up. There’s more awfulness coming, and it should probably be addressed all at once.

In Meereen, Dany and her new husband are visiting the smaller fighting pits to honor them. Of course, it just happens to be the one that Jorah’s new master has brought his slaves to. Jorah realizes she’s out there and busts out of the prison/waiting area and starts slaughtering the other slaves to get Dany’s attention. Despite Jorah’s stunning victory, Dany rejects him again, and he tries to tell her that he brought her something but she doesn’t want anything to do with it. Tyrion manages to break out of the prison, as well, and totally humbly tells Dany that “I am the gift” because the writing on this show is phenomenal. He tells her who he is and she doesn’t quite know how to react to that.

On a side note, Daario thinks that the murders have stopped because Hizdahr is the Son of the Harpy. Again, the murders stopping wasn’t part of the stated conditions of the marriage, so this is entirely out of nowhere. Also, it seems that Dany doesn’t realize that her fighting pits are still populated by slaves? She’s disgusted by the violence, but not a word is said about whether the fighters had a choice in the matter. This is a major point of contention in the books, but it’s completely glossed over in the show. It’s just another way in which it looks like Benioff and Weiss don’t quite know how to treat slavery unless it has an immediate impact on the story they’re trying to tell, and here they’re trying to tell the story of the Friendzoned Advisor who’s trying to get back to Dany and Tyrion Being Awesome, not the restructuring of an entire city’s culture and economy after Dany comes in like a wrecking ball.

RIP: Aemon Targaryen

Winterfell serving woman

Nameless faceless pit fighters

Next week: The battle of the season. A girl is given a name. Nobody gets Cersei out of prison. Tyrion ingratiates himself to the Dragon Queen.